Anchor My Heart Read online

  Every seafarer on board likes the Sunday brunch, not only because it is particularly delicious but because the number of Biryanis marks the total number days spent on board. For a period of six months, an average of twenty-four Biryanis is consumed. The ship’s computer even had an Excel file counting the Biryanis consumed by each seafarer and the percentage of voyage completed simultaneously. The ones who had just started came under the yellow portion, ones who were nearing completion came under the green zone, while those extending beyond their contract were under the red zone with their percentage in negative.

  Every morning, Second Engineer used to conduct the meeting for delegation of work as per Chief Engineer’s instructions. Motormen and Fitter were our helping hands and were also involved in the engine room’s cleaning. Electrical Officer was the ship’s electrician and his work covered the entire vessel. The deck department had a similar organizational structure, including deck crew as helping hands for officers. Both the departments worked together to run the ship smoothly. But that’s mostly only during inspections; the rest of the time they were caught in a cold war with each other. I was very happy with my job profile but the biggest monster was the distance I had to stay away from my sweetheart.

  I was on my second contract as Fourth Engineer and, after this contract was over, I would be promoted to Third Engineer depending upon my appraisal and company’s requirement. Although I gave my best to the present rank, my promotion seemed unlikely. The chances were slim because of the slight difference between my counterparts and me. But, anyhow, that’s how we girls are brought up and I was prepared for anything. I always believed that the toughest step in life was the first one, which I had already passed successfully. After that, everything eventually falls into place. Somehow, in case of girls, everything has to be a little bit more complicated than the usual. In my case, I was the perfect example of being an exception in every aspect.

  JOINING

  As China Southern Airlines flight CZ360, landed in Guangzhou at 0650 hours, my fellow crew members, who were going to join Federal Orchid, met before the domestic transfer. The fleet executive had given my Maritime Union of India card to the Electrical Officer to hand over to me. While we were filling the immigration forms, he was standing right next to me speaking to another crew member, not knowing I was the one joining them.

  ‘There’s one lady fourth engineer coming from Delhi to join the vessel. I don’t know where she is,’ he was saying to the AB or the Able Seaman. An AB is a part of the deck crew.

  ‘India is growing fast. I can’t even imagine a woman working in that heat, lifting heavy loads and dismantling machines,’ replied the AB.

  ‘Batti Saab, it’s me,’ I said, smiling, hearing them talk.

  ‘Your MUI card is with me. I’ll give it to you on board.’

  ‘Sure.’

  We talked for some time and then moved towards the domestic terminal for our next flight to Tianjin by the same airline. Our flight was at 1250 hours, but having travelled overnight we were all extremely tired. There was one waiting lounge in the airport where we put our bags aside and rested. It was really cold and there was too much of a language barrier. The lounge had refreshments and free WiFi, though. Facebook and Google didn’t work. Most of the crew members thought I was the second engineer’s wife or maybe some other officer’s wife joining them. We later boarded our flight from Guangzhou, which was going to land at 1735 hours in Tianjin.

  From baggage claim, we walked to the exit gates where an agent was standing with a placard reading ‘Federal Orchid’. He didn’t speak a word to us because he didn’t know how. We didn’t speak either as we followed him to the car. It wasn’t possible to make him understand what we wanted to say either through sign language or via the translator. The freezing cold was unbearable, even for the shortest span of time. The driver took us to the hotel, which was an hour away from the airport. It was dark and nothing could be seen on the road. I called Mom using my Indian number; sadly the call lasted only for a few minutes. I was crying, hiding from my fellow passengers, because I missed everyone at home terribly and kept promising myself that this would be my last sail ever. We reached the hotel and checked into our rooms.

  I desperately wanted to buy a calling card, so I left the hotel without informing anyone. I asked some people at the reception, who could speak broken English, where I could find what I needed. When I walked out of the hotel, it was as dark and scary as any dark, deserted Indian road. The area looked familiar and I searched for the same place I had come to one year ago with my previous ship’s crew. There was a China Unicom shop, whose lights were still on, seemingly open for business. The glass door had a note written in Chinese taped to it. Everything was visible from outside that glass door; no one was inside but I presumed someone would be back in a little while – it didn’t look like a shop closed for the day. Just as I was trying to make out what the note might mean somebody tapped my shoulder from behind.

  ‘Jesus!’ I exclaimed. We stared at each other, not knowing how to express ourselves. He was a short, fair, sleepy-looking man who seemed to be looking after that shop.

  ‘Can you please tell me where I can get a phone card? I need to call home.’ I made some signs, but he didn’t utter a word. He started coming closer and took my hand. I screamed, pushed him away and ran towards the street I came through. I was horrified, shaken to the core, for if I missed the hotel and got kidnapped nobody would even understand my language or my plight. I kept running, without turning back, trying to find the hotel on that empty street. My stole was flying in the air and the heavy jacket I was wearing made it difficult to run. Some Indians were smoking near a bar. I went closer to them and saw Second Engineer standing there. It’s one of the best feelings in the world to see your countrymen in a foreign land where you have no form of communication: phone, Google or people. He was shocked to see me there – sweating with red eyes and breathing heavily.

  ‘What happened?’ he asked.

  ‘Someone was following me.’

  ‘But I thought you were sleeping in your room.’

  ‘I just came out to eat something.’ I didn’t tell him the truth. I didn’t want to show my anxiety just for making a call.

  ‘You could have asked me or anyone amongst us to accompany you.’ He was right, but I had been in a bad mood at that time.

  ‘Yes sir, I know. Could you please take me to the hotel?’ I had to spell it out otherwise the conversation would have continued.

  ‘Why are you crying?’ he asked.

  Tears were rolling down my cheeks in helplessness. And after he asked the question I started crying harder. ‘I wanted to talk to Mom and you can’t make international calls with the phone in the hotel reception. I tried calling from my room as well but everything is written in God damn Chinese. There are no shops open in this deserted place.’

  ‘Calm down. You can make WhatsApp calls using the hotel’s WiFi.’

  ‘Sir, my mother uses a basic phone without WhatsApp.’ I didn’t know if there was any other way to make calls through the internet.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll ask the agent to get it tomorrow before we board the ship.’

  I started to calm down when I discovered there was some hope of being able to call home. I was wondering what I would do if she remained on anchor for longer. Boat calling charges are really high and people expected us to get some cards for those on board, which meant even they didn’t have any. I went to my room and made a video call to Sameer, skipping my dinner in the process. It was soothing to hear his voice and see him sitting in his car in the hospital parking. We all do so many things to make ourselves feel better about our daily hardships; when the going gets tough nothing really matters except the feeling of being wanted by those closest to us. I didn’t feel like eating or going anywhere after disconnecting the call.

  The next morning, I was the last person to get ready. When I finally went down with my bags, everyone was waiting for me in the lobby.

  ‘We will not leave until you call the business man.’ Second Engineer was shouting at the agent.

  ‘Sir we need to board the ship on time because the off-signers will disembark after we reach and leave by the same boat,’ he said.

  ‘Whatever it is, we all need the phone cards first. We can’t board the ship without them and expect people on- board to arrange them for us in the middle of the ocean.’

  ‘I have given him a call but he will come only after nine.’

  ‘It’s okay, we can wait here.’

  I waited, staring at the dense fog through the glass door; some trees had already started shedding their leaves. It didn’t really seem as scary as the previous night. Second Engineer brought me a newspaper and asked me to sit on the sofa and relax. I was flipping through the pages, unaware of what the articles meant, when I saw a picture of the man from last night. I took the newspaper and asked the agent about the news.

  ‘Some hooligans were trying to rob a shop,’ he said.

  ‘A telecom shop,’ I said, completely surprised.

  ‘Yeah, it belongs to some far-reaching men here.’

  ‘Okay.’

  That man was one of them. Little, incomplete knowledge can really be dangerous. I shouldn’t have stepped out of the hotel like that without informing anyone in a country as foreign to me as China.

  The business man brought internet and calling cards for 20 dollars each. I bought two of each kind, and so did others. We all sat in a bus and left for the jetty, which was only a twenty-minute drive from the hotel. The ship, though, was an hour’s journey from the port by motor boat. When we reached the port, the agent showed us to the boat, which waited at the end of four boats and a barge, which were connected laterally. He instructed us to hop over the boats, one after the other, to reach the final boat. For him it was like a hurdle race, but for us it was a deadly mission with at least two heavy bags per person.

  ‘Do you really expect us to jump like that with our bags? Sorry to disappoint you.’ Second Engineer was the senior most so he took the lead.

  ‘Sir, I have to save time,’ he said.

  ‘This is a serious safety hazard, and my crew won’t board like this at all. You need to find some other way.’ All these boat charges and port services are heavily chargeable on the company and agents try to save as much money as they can by cutting corners.

  ‘Okay, I’ll try to do something.’

  ‘In the meantime, we’ll stay inside the bus because it’s absolutely freezing out here,’ Second said. Even the driver wanted his money so he could leave as early as possible despite being paid for the full day. Corruption was abundant.

  ‘I am sorry to say that the bus won’t be able to wait much longer. You’ll have to adjust.’

  I went inside at once and sat down seeing them manage everything. The agent asked the other boat and barge to move, and moored the one meant for us at the third place. The first two boats were anchored down without any driver in sight.

  ‘Sir, I can’t manage beyond this. Please try to understand.’ The agent requested Second Engineer.

  ‘Okay, fine,’ he replied.

  We took our bags from the bus and moved towards the water. The cold was bitter and there was very poor visibility. Three crew members placed themselves on each of the boats so as to pass the bags one by one. My bag was the heaviest but I didn’t really have to do anything. There’s such a difference in the way men pack their bags and the way women do. It’s not only a question of clothes – if you take into account the sanitary napkins you need for six months with a two-month margin, half of the volume of your bag gets occupied without any weight.

  As they were arranging the bags, I sat down thinking about the distance between Sameer and me increasing slowly and steadily. I called Mom and spoke to her until one calling card was over. I was trying to conceal my emotions from her but it’s absolutely impossible for the flower to hide from the roots about its growth or decay.

  ‘I want to come back, Mom. I miss you. I miss my friends,’ I said with a cracked voice. The truth was that I missed Sameer more than anyone.

  ‘See, you’re free to take the decision to come home anytime. You’re doing what you like; nobody has forced you or ever will. But remember, all these friends you want to come back to respect you for where and what you are. You are not just any common, regular person and they all know it. But, at the end of the day, it is up to you – do whatever gives you happiness.’ Mom’s words were really true. Nobody likes the crowd; the only ones who matter are the ones who stand out and make a difference. I was not a coward, I was one of the people who made a difference. This was my job, I had been so proud of it all these years, so why cry now when I had already travelled the distance and made it so far?

  When we finally made it on to the boat, everyone settled down and relaxed. I sat beside an electric heater to keep myself warm. Slowly, land vanished from the portholes. After about an hour, we reached the vessel. No one would have ever been happier to see us than those on-board at that very moment. The gangway was lowered to half the visible height and a pilot ladder was used to cover the rest of the distance to the boat. Climbing a pilot ladder is a difficult task, but as they say: it is only when you climb that ladder that you become a true sailor. I was scared but pretended I was fine. This was my second time using this ladder, the first time had been much scarier. The weather was bad and sea was extremely choppy, making it harder still to climb up the ladder.

  Everyone waved to us from the top, which looked like a mountain from where we stood down below. I was impressed by Orchid’s size and curves. Her paint was new and shining in that faint sunlight. Draught marks were prominently visible. One by one we all started boarding our lady love.

  ‘Welcome aboard,’ greeted Chief Officer and Electrical Engineer.

  ‘Thank you so much,’ I said.

  ‘Don’t worry about the luggage. We’ll take care of it.’

  ‘Okay, thanks!’

  I went through the huge watertight and fire doors inside the accommodation quarters, conspicuously lit and clean. My room was on the D-deck, beside Chief Engineer’s cabin on the port side. I kept my handbag and went to see Captain since Chief Engineer wasn’t in his room.

  ‘Hello, sir,’ I said.

  ‘You must be Fourth Engineer. We have been waiting for you for so long,’ he said.

  I smiled.

  ‘So, how was your journey? I hope it was good. I was really worried whether you’d be able to mount the pilot ladder. You know, even my wife is supposed to join us but she can’t climb that so I have to wait until the ship is berthed,’ he said.

  ‘No problem at all. The hotel was also quite good.’

  ‘Okay, settle down. Work is waiting for you.’

  ‘I have your packet, the one your son gave to me. I will give it you once I unpack.’

  ‘Sure. No worries.’

  I went to Chief Engineer’s room once he was back at his desk, looking at his computer.

  ‘May I come in, sir?’ I said as I knocked the door.

  ‘Yes, come in,’ said a stubborn, egoistic voice.

  ‘I am Fourth Engineer Lehar Saxena.’

  ‘Okay, how many ships have you been on?’

  ‘Two, this is my second ship as fourth.’

  ‘Fine, work hard and don’t take advantage of being a girl.’

  This was, unquestionably, the most chauvinistic way of delegating work I had ever heard in my life. I guess there were many more ways of ‘benefitting’ from being a woman on land than sweating it out in the middle of the sea. I was the first girl he was working with but he wasn’t the first man I had seen acting this way. While there are some men who go out of their way to support women, there are many more who can’t take having a woman among their ranks so easily. Fortunately, I had only ever encountered the first kind of man, until I boarded this one ship.

  I went back to my room and called home to inform them I had boarded safely. After my luggage arrived, I changed into the boiler suit and went down to the engine room to meet others.

  ‘Hi, I am Aniket, Third Engineer.’

  We shook hands and went to meet Second Engineer in the workshop. He was handing over his command to the new Second. He looked tired and in need of a haircut and shave.

  ‘Hello, you must be Fourth,’ he said.

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  ‘Nice, let’s see if she sails out with your luck, we had a tough time on this anchorage.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s why our joining kept getting delayed. The company wants to save as much money as possible.’

  ‘Anyways, Third will guide you, he’s been here about three months now.’

  And then they continued their talk. He had taken an extension of two months, which got delayed by another two months because the ship was not getting to any port. His frustration was genuine but such things are a part of life at sea. Ten months, more than six million rupees, and lots of memories were packed along with his luggage home. Later in the evening, when we went to see them off, I handed over the gift I had bought for my niece from Tianjin airport to Electrical Engineer to pass on to my sister since he too was travelling to Delhi. I waved and sulked seeing them leave us behind, happily going towards their pavilion.

  FIRST SIGHT

  The capital of Incredible India has witnessed some of the greatest love stories known to man, and destiny wrote mine here too, with indelible ink. I didn’t realize when I fell for this city, despite the stigmas that have tainted it over time, because of someone special who had slowly started building a web inside me.

  ‘Are you coming to Def Col?’

  ‘Where’s that? I haven’t heard of it before. We had made plans to spend time together, just the two of us, Shruti.’